Why, Why, Why, Why…
I don’t know about you, but to me, this word holds a whole lot of emotion and power in meaning. If you’re like me you’ve had times in your life when you’ve asked why? “Why are these things happening to me?”
Just by saying the word “why” my inner 2 year old feels like she wants to throw a fit. I remember a time after many years of experiencing the misery of self-abuse and depression. I kept asking “Why” and it was from a deep place of pain. I was demanding answers and I wanted to know! “Why are these things in life happening to me?” I didn’t realize during those years I was actually living from a place of “victim consciousness.”
I’m certain if you said “victim consciousness” to any 2 year old they would look at you like you were crazy. But when you look at life from only your perspective…it’s a narrow view creating a small inner world.
At that time I cried out loud to God/higher power, creator asking “why?!” “why is this life happening to me?” “why can’t my life be better?” “why do I have to go through all this pain?” I was looking for something to change in my life.
Unfortunately, my ego, whom I’ve come to know, works from a very real and very persuasive space. I call this its “truth” strategy. You know the place when the ego keeps saying things that sound so real and so true which end up keeping us small and down in the comfort zone, a place known as victimhood. It was continually telling me why I shouldn’t move forward and I was listening. I remember that clear voice telling me “honey, this is just the way it is, so get over it.” Well, “getting over it” is not easy when you’re in the depths of it. Pain loves to play the victim and if you let it, like I did, you’ll find the ego does its best to support you in that “victim consciousness” and so often I engaged in the play of self-pity.
Brene’ Brown says “you can look all around you and find confirming reasons why you’re the victim. It takes a conscious effort to find praise.” During those years the only thing I had going for me was a deeper understanding that although I was down, I knew I wasn’t living up to my full potential and someday I would change.
When I asked that question of “why” it really just kept me stuck. Like a 2 year old throwing a fit I wasn’t open to receiving the answers I was getting. I only wanted the answers I wanted. I was unwilling to look at me or the inner work that needed to be done to create progress. So questioning with a “why” kept me from moving forward in life, it kept me in the story.
Now when I think of the word “why” I hear it as the inner indicator of my resistance to change and my ego must be scared and in fear mode. The tricky part is even though I had a big desire to find my passion and live from a place of potential, it was even more difficult to elevate to a higher place of growth.
Thanks to my higher power I eventually progressed on my spiritual path and the spiritual awakening happened. Truth be told though, I had to go through a lot of breakdowns to get there. Now I appreciate the breakdowns because I know they don’t have to take as long or be as painful for the breakthrough to happen.
So when my inner child wants to ask “why” my adult says “honey, sometimes we don’t really need to know why, just keep moving, keep growing and give gratitude.”
My 2 year old now has learned to ask bigger questions… like “What have I come here to do?”, “How can I do things better?” and “What can I do to serve my highest good and the highest good of others?”
Do you know of someone who is stuck in fear, depression or anxiety? Have you heard them complaining, blaming or crying out at all the mishaps of life?
Give the gift of compassion. Let them know change can happen and they can live from “creator consciousness” and construct a whole new reality.
Are you someone who wants to live from a place of potential and find more purpose in life?
Do you or someone you know need more passion in life?
Give yourself or someone you know a chance to chat with someone who’s been there and can make a difference.
I provide FREE "Recovery Discovery" consultation conversations.
So many changes taking place right now. The change of seasons from summer to autumn, the changes we’re forced to make when facing natural disasters, and on top of that the changes we face in everyday life. How about we look at ALL these perceived changes as part of the process in which we are becoming. Yes, I said all of them. I for one have been going through a lot of transformational changes over the past several months and believe me; transformation can be challenging at times. It’s like trying to find a rainbow after a storm.
While at my Higher Brain Living recertification, I sent out a video to my online community. I mentioned I would be sending more videos during the week of transformation. But if you looked at me closely in the video, you might have seen a redness around my eyes. My face had been feeling dry, sore and itchy the days leading up to that video. The day right after the video was made I fully broke out in a rash all over my face.
Being the spiritual girl I am I googled “spiritual meaning of a rash.” That’s when I learned a rash is tied to the emotion of anger. What was more interesting to me was that I didn’t feel anger around those days. In fact it seemed like it had been a long time since I felt angry. I knew to take a deeper look. Oh, the lessons we learn in our becoming. After some contemplation that week I realized I had been on a “transformational highway” for many years. I recognized I had been holding onto and not expressing my anger since way back in my childhood.
Then from these two transformational events I had been attending over the past 3 weeks a full awareness showed me… our bodies hold onto emotional, physical and spiritual attachments for a very long time, sometimes, without us knowing. So eventually, something had to give. The emotional blocked energy had to be released. My time at the Higher Brain Living institute was the perfect, safe place for this to happen. When the heart is open and the connection to Divine is strong I realized, my unresolved anger issues had the perfect platform of support to escape. Gratitude came over me. I thanked my body for not only holding onto the physical, emotional and mental anger for over 40 years but to be the vessel in holding ALL the things I need to walk on this physical planet and be a willing participant on this spiritual journey!
Then I silently wondered. Wow, how long has Mother Nature been holding onto the collective consciousness of anger? All the natural weather disasters happening, she must be ready to release. I see it as Mother Nature expressing herself through all the back to back hurricanes, earthquakes and the west coast fires.
While waiting out Irma’s storm wrath in Georgia I took a change to reflect and looked back on all the times I hunkered down. I saw my younger self as the tornado who moved from town to town, state to state throwing herself around leaving nothing short of an emotional chaos for those left behind.
As I went deeper into my own story I also looked back and saw all the growing, changing and developing I had done in the midst of my own life storms. I found it truly amazing there wasn’t more wreckage or more personal damage. It has been a journey of picking up the pieces and sorting out “Who am I?”
I’ll admit, I’m not proud of those times, but in truth I think I was really just trying to find the “real me.” I kept waiting for those personal storms to pass. But not one moment did ever I see or think to myself that I was actually the storm maker. I wish I could go back. If I could, I would take apart those experiences I see the truth was my inner child was working on becoming this amazing woman.
Now I know. The more I awaken into the truth of who I am…the more I allow myself to dig deeper into the energy of my emotions where I can then leverage a more productive way of expressing them. I love being all of me. I love expressing my emotions. They allow me to move deeper into my inner self, my inner world and my inner child. Where then I locate an expression of self-acceptance and find an improved expression of self-Love.
I’m sure you would agree, we all go through a lot in this lifetime. Over this past year I’ve done a lot of work to find ways to love my inner child and live from within my heart space. I found the more we express and release our emotions, all of them, the more we can be free to be ourselves. We can shift into a deep love inside and not have to look outside for true love.
Are you ready to quiet the internal storm? Are you looking for a new way of loving yourself? May be you are ready to transform into who you are Becoming?
It might be scary and at times it may not be comfortable, but trust me after all these years of growing, changing and developing… it’s worth it! Let me help you with my experience and professional expertise. I’m here to guide you.
As we allow ourselves to go deeper into the knowing of who we are becoming, we can give ourselves all the power and love we need. Learn how to calm the tornados, quiet the storms and find your serenity. The best gift you can give yourself.
If you’re ready to unlock the deeper meaning of emotions and leverage that energy to create the life you desire, I invite you to join me for a FREE 30-minute Discovery Session. Click here to schedule
ADDICTION, not an easy topic to discuss as it’s not usually brought up around the dinner table or at the neighborhood BBQ. It’s a topic we deny within ourselves and for those around the addicted are usually enabling by evading the bad behaviors with silence hoping they will just go away, someday. Addiction, for many years, was considered a moral and ethical issue where the majorities without a classified addiction believed the inflicted actually had the capability to stop their behavior at any given moment on their own. Did you know addiction actually became a classified medical disease around 50 years ago?
Here the American Society of Addiction Medicine gives a short definition of what is now known as the disease of addiction… a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors. Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Like other chronic diseases, addiction often involves cycles of relapse and remission. Without treatment or engagement in recovery activities, addiction is progressive and can result in disability or premature death.
When one finally has the courage to admit there is a problem it’s usually considered to be alcohol or non-prescribed drugs. But we cannot leave out sex, gambling, food, shopping and the addiction to money. We even use social media to seek reward. Addiction is tricky; it’s not just about the ingesting of a substance. I believe, we are reaching for the convenience of “things” outside of ourselves pursuing a quick reward to feel better so that we can turn away from the real inner problems.
As a species, we crave connection. We’re getting caught up in the use of social media for our “perceived” personal interaction. Let’s face it, we are fooling ourselves and it’s changing our brains. As studies have shown when we hit “like” on the facebook post a dopamine release happens serving as a reward which is confusing us to believe we are actually connecting through the wifi. It’s simple, it’s easy and it’s quick. We get the rush and we move on. I don’t know about you but when I get on Facebook time flies by and I’ve totally distracted myself for an hour or two!
But this is a limited and short term release and then later we go back to the outer reality and the unhappiness of our inner reality. So we are actually placing the distraction before making an actual deeper connection with ourselves or others. This distraction is taking away time to be with our own self which would inevitably help the inner problems to eventually go away. I see it all the time with my clients who are really craving the need for a true connection. Distraction is the real addiction. We justify the behaviors of convenience. We miss out on opportunities to actually deepen our relationships.
When treating addiction we consider it a Bio-Psycho-Social-Spiritual disorder, so we have to look at every aspect of life and treat from a whole person perspective. This is a misconceived idea by many who are not educated around the topic and believe healing is just removing the substance out of one’s life. We know there is no “cookie cutter” method or program that works for everyone and I see the treatment field transitioning out of “old school” teachings moving into a more “new school” belief and approach. Neuroscience is coming into main stream with more options in helping by providing the knowledge we can couple treatment with ancient learnings of mindfulness, meditation and even energy work to help those suffering. Every individual is unique in their learning of how to become a whole person again. The addicted just need to learn it’s ok to just be and it’s ok to be authentic. So, shop around to find the help that’s right for you.
Ask yourself what are the things I want to work on? What am I finding that resonates with me that would best serve me? Start by asking your higher-self for answers. I promise a higher intelligence will show up and step in with different healing options. It may feel overwhelming at first and you may feel lost, but trust me, you can’t go wrong when you are trying to rediscover who you are and what you need… from meditation to medication
Rediscovering YOU and realigning with better behaviors will lead you down a very different path then where you are today. So be open, be a sponge towards a “new life” and just see what is out there.
Try all sorts of things; you never know what might be the one thing that really clicks. I can tell you this; everything you try… are ALL working… even if you don’t think that last one you tried did. There is always something to be gained out of each life experience, so keep experiencing, the next one could be the one that got you ready… the next on could work exactly the way you were hoping.
To learn more about a safe and effective addiction recovery alternative, call Anne Ferguson, Certified Addiction Counselor and Higher Brain Living Practitioner at (612) 865-0281
What do you think of when I say the word, CHANGE? Does it give you a physical response? Does your mind start racing with all the reasons why NOT to change? Usually our initial response to change is stress, anxiety and worry? However, I bet if you looked at your life over the past year maybe even 6 months back you’ll see there’s been some changes made. Change is inevitable and constant and it’s going to happen whether we are willing or resistant. So learning to respond to change is better than having a default of resisting change.
As an Addictions counselor I see people come into treatment trying to pull themselves and their lives back together. We tell them “You’ll need to change everything.” Sounds a bit overwhelming, huh? I tell my clients, “It doesn’t matter how you got here or what happened before you got here. The truth is if nothing changes, nothing changes.” So let the past guide you, but not define you.
When going through the recovery change or i believe any change repeating the
serenity prayer helps..
See, I’ve been there; I had a time in my life when I was totally miserable and recovery was the only avenue for change. I worked hard on the inside and the outside to change everything and create a better life. Then after 8 years of recovery, I found myself needing another change. I was stressed and burnt out in my career. I ended another bad relationship and noticed I was living from fear and my mental state was not good. That’s when Higher Brain Living found me. Yes I said “found me.” I had been talking to God, the universe, my higher power whatever you want to call it and I was asking and praying for help. Higher Brain Living showed up. I’ve come to know, when we ask for what we need the healing help comes. It's just sometimes, it’s not how we expected it. I don't think I was really expecting anything because I didn’t know how or what needed to change. I only knew there was an internal agreement going on with myself that knew I wasn’t living in alignment and a change needed to happen. I found I had a choice. I could live by the definition of insanity “doing the same thing over and over expecting different results” or I could discover a whole new way to living..."Life is not about surviving the storm. It's about learning how to dance in the rain."
However there is a big challenge for those of us working a recovery program. Once we remove the numbing substances or behaviors we now become forced to learn how to feel again, not just in the beginning, but over and over and over. I felt like I understood what it meant to feel more emotions but the Higher Brain Living system allowed me to finally balance out all my emotions. In fact I found a new realignment with my happy, my calm, my real authentic being and my truth of who I am as a woman living in her full potential. I feel like I have came home to the real knowing of me.
My life before HBL, in my recovery, was a constant state of working at managing my emotions. My core emotions of anger, irritation and dissatisfaction. I actually thought I was a positive person. Now I see I was actually a positive “the cup is half empty” person. We call the recovery path a “courageous” path but as I dig deeper into me, I'm finding the spiritual path is a whole new level of courage. I continue to find the courage to go deeper and deeper into my heart, my life and learn more of me. (but that will be a whole other blog)
To put things in perspective, when you’ve been engaging in bad behavior patterns for such a long time... change seems impossible. As i grew I learned there were more bad habits to face in this new life change. Those younger years of growing bad habits had been reinforced and rooted into the brain through my surrounding environment of family, friends and authority figures keep trying to creep in. I"m sure you have experienced it you've worked towards a change? Your mind says “hey it’s just the way I do things,” “i can handle this,” “if I change I might make so and so mad,” “it will be too painful.” Since we’ve all been conditioned and allowed to behave in certain ways we can fall into the trap of justifying exactly “why” our behaviors are acceptable. We rationalize the behavior and our way of thinking into a perceived truth, therefore making the justified behavior our comfort zone keeping change from happening.
I’ve worked in all levels of recovery care as an addiction counselor; inpatient, out-patient and residential so I know. If we never get out of the comfort zone change is not going to happen. Many are never taught to handle change in their lives or learn how to adapt a winning mindset. I've come to see it’s pretty evident without accepting change our life will eventually get to a point of not working. Then as an adult we have to learn to teach ourselves to roll with the tides of change and it can be a struggle. If we can learn to change the way we think, our perception, that's half the battle and can actually be an opening for a better future. Now, I choose to see change as an opportunity to go deeper within, to get real honest with myself and to learn more about what’s not working in my life so I can find one way or another to change it. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I can't live life staying stagnet any more.
Maybe you or someone you know has finally gotten to this place in their life? A place where happiness is not the default and feelings of stress are? Or maybe you’re experiencing consistent thoughts of fear coupled with feelings of anxiety and depression. Maybe you’ve decided it’s just time for a change and you are ready?
Just know, there is not perfect time to begin a change, so try to understand, it's when you simply know you need to move out of where you are and shift into a new way of being.
As hard as it may be, ask for help. Then once you make the decision to change, know your mind will go into overdrive and throw a fit like a 2 year old! I have learned my own minds strategy… over active thoughts that keep throwing up every scenario of why I can’t , I couldn’t, and I shouldn’t …
that’s when I say, “Oh Yeah, “life is about to change.”
Change is better with loving support from someone who can keep you accountable to not go back into the comfort zone, back into the misery or dissatisfaction you’re trying to escape. Let change be your friend, not your enemy. Think about it, you may find a new freedom, a new sense of relief, and a brand new start. That is exactly what Higher Brain Living did for me. So make the decision to change your life and tell yourself... you’ve got the courage to do this!
Before you know it, you’ll look back and be happy you did.
I’m here for you, ready to guide you and support you along the way.